O*Diaries author Tom Wells explores the world of foreplay and offers some practical advice for men…
The key to great foreplay is open communication. Listening carefully to your partner’s desires and learning how to express your own is crucial for a healthy sex life. But there are many other great tips that can help you improve your foreplay.
Let’s explore a few foreplay tips and ideas.
Slow the tempo
This is one of the most important foreplay tips for men. You’re not in a race to get to the sex. Tune in to the frequency of your partner’s body. Remember female pleasure can build and build and build. Just try slowing everything down and gauge how your partner responds. This will help increase her feeling of full comfort and heighten arousal.
Do it longer
When it comes to sex and foreplay tips for men, this is one of the most common. The number one thing most women say guys could improve is the amount of time they spend on foreplay. Guys tend to give a cursory suck of the nipple and then head southwards. Try and slow everything down, and whatever you are doing, do it for longer. Actively gauge the response of what you are doing. If she is enjoying it, don’t stop. The goal is not to get to the sex as quickly as possible, it’s to build the tension to a fever pitch. Don’t be scared of asking if she wants you to continue. You may be surprised how often the answer is yes. So learn to be patient and enjoy seeing your partner’s pleasure build.
The clit isn’t everything
The clit isn’t everything. Only focusing on the clit is a bit of a beginner’s move and it may even be boring or worse painful for some women. Mix up your stimulation. The vaginal opening, the labia, and vulva are full of sensitive nerve endings as well. Don’t neglect these areas and stroke, suck and gently touch these as well.
Perhaps not one of the classic foreplay tips for men but practicing mindfulness is great for both you and your partner to be more aroused during foreplay. But how does this work? Mindfulness is the mind’s ability to concentrate on the present moment without any distracting thoughts. Practices like yoga and meditation can improve your mindfulness. This helps you focus on pleasure and arousal during foreplay and sex.
Know what turns you on
What is foreplay for a man? If you want to expand your horizons from the typical handjob or blowjob, then you need to experiment with yourself and know what sensation turns you on. Treat your masturbation as a chance to try stimulating yourself in different ways. Perhaps a little anal play or prostate stimulation, or a certain position while you masturbate, or an erogenous zone does it for you. Armed with this knowledge you can communicate to your partner what you like, or even stimulate yourself. This can help make foreplay much more exciting.
Foreplay isn’t just foreplay
Foreplay is an odd term because it implies that it comes before something. A lot of guys think that once foreplay is over it’s time for penetration. But I would encourage you to see foreplay as part of sex and penetration as a natural continuation. This means that the types of stimulation that got your partner hot during foreplay should be continued during sex. This will help her orgasm.
As in every aspect of a relationship, communication is key. And it’s the same for foreplay. Try and create an open space where you can communicate desires with your partner. Make it fun and lighten the mood by cracking open a bottle of wine. Remember to actively listen to your partner’s desires. Talk about what stimulation she likes and what she doesn’t? Talk about what positions work well and mention any boundaries that you might have.
Set the scene
Don’t underestimate the effect of the setting on your partner’s arousal. Music, scent (incense or scented candles) can all play a role. So try experimenting with different soundtracks and setups.
Use your voice
We respond to all types of stimuli, smell, touch, taste. But often overlooked is the power of audio stimulus during foreplay. Try whispering into your partner’s ear the things you want to do to her. This can be a huge turn on and make foreplay much hotter. If she’s comfortable with it, encourage her to vocalize what she wants you to do to her. Not only is this a turn-on, but it also guides the foreplay in the right direction.
Explore openings and erogenous zones
The clit is not just the little bead that is visible. It extends around the vaginal opening. Explore with our partner different erogenous zones, neck, feet, lips, nipples, inner thighs, butt. Don’t limit yourself and you may be surprised how many creative things to do in bed you discover. You can also ask your partner to stimulate your preferred erogenous zones as well.
Create a safe atmosphere
Your partner is much more likely to respond well to foreplay if she feels safe. Again, open communication helps to establish boundaries, but you should only try things she is comfortable with. Communicate as you are engaging in foreplay and carefully monitor her responses. If she seems uncomfortable, try something else.
Another way to ensure she feels safe is not rushing things. Take your time to get into the mood. Show affection by hugging, stroking and kissing. Finally, be giving. If your partner feels like you are only going down on her so she will give you a blowjob, this creates an unwanted tension. Give and don’t expect to receive. Believe it or not, the safer the atmosphere, the wilder the sex will be after.
Start foreplay early
If you want to get your partner in the mood, why not try sending some suggestive messages during the day. This can build the tension so that by the time you both get home, you won’t be able to keep your hands off each other. If you’re in a long-term relationship and want to add a little spark, this is a great way to do it.
Forget almost everything you have seen in porn
If you are a porn viewer, it’s probably best to forget the vast majority of “foreplay” that you have seen. Porn often features fast and overly-aggressive vaginal or clitoral stimulation. This is not the best way to turn your partner on. Instead, start slow and be gentle.
Add some sex toys to the mix
Sex toys are not for everyone. But they can boost your pleasure. For foreplay, anal plugs, or anal vibrators can boost your fun. The great thing about toys like the Ditto and the Vector is that both are designed to be inserted and can be used hands-free. This means you can continue to stimulate your partner. Wearable cock rings like the Pivot can lead to stronger erections and stimulate the clit at the same time through targeted vibrations. Whichever toy you choose, its bound to add some fun to your sex life.
Start to see foreplay as the sex
Remember foreplay is not a race to get to the sex. Foreplay is the sex. Great foreplay builds the sexual tension and maximizes arousal. Use these tips to delight your partner today.