The following scenario might sound familiar: One wants to try something new during sex but the other has no interest at all. So what happens now? Anna (37) explains what she did next. In her case, she had a specific fantasy that unfortunately wasn’t her partner’s thing…
A threesome – is it really the dream of many. Quite true. In Germany almost every third person dreams of a threesome. This is shown in a study by We-Vibe. The leading manufacturer of couple vibrators, has surveyed over 9,000 people worldwide to learn more about their sex lives, fantasies and preferences.
I can confirm that this is a misconception, because the man in my own bed doesn’t want one. It’s a pity, because I’m really interested to test out the mystery of “threesomes” for myself. Since I can’t force my partner to share my enthusiasm, a compromise is needed here.
Man or woman?
For my part, I consider myself to be very flexible in this respect, because I have absolutely no preference on whether another woman or man should have fun with my partner and me. I think both have their appeal. The idea of sex with a woman gives me a tingling sensation, simply because I have never tried it before. But I wouldn’t have anything against a second man joining us during sex either. According to surveys, however, less heterosexual men go for this combination. But that’s not important here, because in my case it doesn’t matter – my boyfriend doesn’t want another male or female in bed with me. And sure, there are reasons why he wouldn’t want a threesome…
Possible objections to a threesome
The main argument against sex in a threesome is the old classic, jealousy. To suddenly share your better half with someone during sex and be a spectator to a porno in which your own partner plays the leading role – this should not be underestimated. Even I, who could really go for a threesome, feel a little tense at the thought that another person is kissing my boyfriend, touching him and sleeping with him.
For my boyfriend, the thought of this is so unbearable that he rejects the idea of sex in a threesome right from the start.
Another possible stumbling block with threesomes is that you run the risk of comparing yourself with the third person in the group. If I were to have sex with my boyfriend and a woman, I would certainly pay attention to whether her ass is tighter than mine and whether her oral sex skills aren’t somehow better. In other words: Whoever gets involved in this adventure with their partner should listen to themselves beforehand and honestly question themselves – and their partner – on whether they can handle the jealousy and uncertainty that might arise. So far this is all theory, in reality it unfortunately looks more like this with me: My boyfriend immediately rejects a third person in our bed, but I don’t want to let this go so soon. And now?
Finding a compromise
Good news: We are living in the year 2020, so technical gadgets that make our lives easier or even improve them can be found without any problems. I had the idea to take a smoother approach to the threesome, that is, instead of a third person of flesh and blood, simply integrate a sex toy into our play time. If your partner is a bit sceptical about this, then you can let him watch as you spoil yourself with a toy. He doesn’t have to do anything, just watch. I have tried this with my boyfriend several times, I have given myself some orgasms with my Womanizer PREMIUM while he played the part of the desired voyeur. We both found it more than thrilling…
This can be achieved in a threesome
- A breath of fresh air: Some sexually monotonous relationships can be made more exciting again by a third person in the group.
- Sexual fulfilment: If a third person is involved in bed, one automatically has a completely new sexual experience.
- You get to know your partner all over again: If you have the jealousy thing under control, it can be really exciting to watch your lover(s) having sex with another person.
- Removing the temptation to hook up with someone else: Hand on heart, even people who have been off the market a long time sometimes dream of an away game. During a threesome you can live it out – without any nasty flings or secrecy.
Threesome-Fun with We-Vibe Chorus
If a couples toy comes into play then I think it should be as close as possible to the third sex partner. And so we arrive at We-Vibe’s Chorus. This toy is considered the “couples toy of the future” – and for good reason, because Chorus can be easily integrated into thanks to Squeeze Remote, a new type of remote control. During my “threesome”, I don’t actually feel that there is something in bed with us, instead it feels like that the intense touches come from my bedmate… If I clench my fist around the remote in my excitement, I can control the intensity through pressure. So my boyfriend is there, but also somehow in the role of an observer – as it would be the case with a “normal” threesome. Just in this case, there’s no need to be jealous of Chorus…
For me, this idea is a real compromise: I’ll get my threesome feeling (and definitely an orgasm or two) and my boyfriend only has to share me with a sex toy. And who knows, maybe this experience will make him want more, because sex experts attribute quite a few benefits to the threesome.
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