“It could save a relationship” – “Sensual slowness for two” – “Megatrend” – “Every touch tingles”: The Internet is full of promising claims about a new trend called ‘Slow Sex’. But what does it actually entail? And could it really take sexual tenderness to a new level? We’ve taken a closer look.
No more quickies and chasing orgasms – Slow Sex has a different agenda. The latest sex trend is all about taking your time and learning to make intense eye contact driven by the desire to uncover new erotic realms. The practice has been touted as a great way to slow down and unwind from the hectic pace of daily life and form a deeper connection with a partner. For long-term couples, Slow Sex may be the answer to breathing new life into their love life. But what is the secret of Slow Sex? Surprisingly, that orgasms aren’t the goal. Instead, the approach advocates for a conscious discovery of and finding pleasure in each other’s body.
Just like ‘Slow Food’ and ‘Slow Travel’, it’s all about deceleration. In today’s society, most people are under constant pressure to perform, whether at work or even in their romantic relationships. Diana Richardson, a couple’s counsellor and writer of Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality, explains that physical love improves when we approach it at a slower pace. Slow Sex isn’t “the kind of hot sex we see in the media,” Richardson says. It’s a general misconception, promoted by the film industry, she thinks, that sex has to be passionate, hot and always end in mutual climax. But aren’t we confusing passion for hectic?
How does Slow Sex work?
First things first – there can be no distractions. Turn off your phone. Turn off your laptop. Do not answer the door. A further preparation may also involve the regular practice of mindfulness. Then start slow. When you kiss, take your time and allow your lips to gently touch. Practice a more gradual foreplay so that you can feel every single meeting of each other’s body. Although that may feel a little strange in the beginning, the body tends to relax after a few minutes.
Importantly, there’s no time limit to Slow Sex.
Each body part deserves special attention – not just the well-known erogenous zones such as the neck or nipples. It’s worth experimenting a bit by using the tongue, the tip of the nose, hands and even feet to explore and gently touch each other’s body. Although it can be helpful to communicate how one may feel, you don’t have to talk to each other the entire time. Importantly, there’s no time limit to Slow Sex. Five, ten, fifteen or twenty minutes – the exact duration doesn’t matter, it just has to feel good. Best of all, you won’t need an erection to start. As the saying goes, appetite comes with eating. We recommend agreeing on a time and a place to find pleasure together.
Penetration comes second
Traditionally, penetration is one of the main parts of love making, but not so during Slow Sex. Here, the act of penetration is delayed. It’s crucial, therefore, to find a comfortable position you can both stay in for quite some time, such as the spoons or scissors sex positions, in order to further the delay. When intercourse eventually begins, try to focus on experiencing your shared connection at that moment. Don’t think about the next steps. Just enjoy the feeling of having come together. Experts of Slow Sex also advise to skip faster thrusting movements and take frequent short breaks. Imagine how you may help each other climax.
After like before
Conventional sex offers a quick release, but often fails to provide lasting satisfaction. Most couples just return to their daily lives, grab hold of their smartphones or watch a movie. Instead, Slow Sex aims for you to feel more vitalized afterwards. Additionally, the practice ensures that partners remain attentive towards one another even after sex. Therefore, continue to gently touch and stroke each other after you’ve made love and give quiet thanks to one another. Appreciate what you have just experienced together. In short, take your time during all stages of Slow Sex.
Although Slow Sex may not work for everyone, fully devoting yourself to your partner can be a wonderful thing. In a world where the pace seems to have quickened, we say give it a try. As with all sexual practices, everything pleasurable is permitted.
Slow sex at a glance:
What you need:
- Natural lots of time and rest. So once again: Turn off your smartphone and best of all, no more appointments for the day or evening!
- Do not be afraid of intensive eye contact. Because that is part of slow sex!
- Common readiness and desire for erotic new discoveries. This special practice is all about the absolute acceptance of your own body and the body of the other.
And you don’t need that…
- An erection or even desire. That’s the wonderful thing about the sex practice: The lust for each other comes while you play together. Make an appointment and watch your appetite slowly increase. That is the beauty of slow sex!
- Too much energy. If you’re in high spirits, the sexual practice might not be for you. Because it is all about feeling slow and not too fast. But you will feel all the more vital after the actual act!
Slow sex: step by step
#1: Cuddles and caresses
You are going on a journey of discovery. That means: You cuddle, caress, kiss, touch and massage each other. Use your hands, feet, fingertips and lips. But please do it slowly… and don’t forget to look into the eyes of your partner. Over and over again.
Not one part of the body will remain unexplored. Starting with the toes, moving down to the feet, calves, hollow of the knee, buttocks and private parts. But don’t stay here too long, otherwise you’ll get ahead of yourself.
It continues: Up the spine to the neck, the earlobes and the head. Dedicate yourself to the erogenous zones of your partners body. Anything goes, as long as you take your time.
In slow sex, all this already counts as sex – and serves to increase the erotic tension immeasurably. You can’t stand it any longer? That’s it! Then you can now take the next step!
#2: Change position
Slow sex is not about absurd sex positions or wild Kamasutra positions. It is much more important that both of you can relax in each and every position. In other words: you should lie down comfortably. Position yourself in such a way that you can hold out for a long time…
Here is a small excursus of the best positions for slow sex
- The angel: A comfortable spoon position with bent legs. The partner can enter from behind and at the same time massage the breasts, caress the neck…and you are especially close to each other.
- Magic Mountain: One partner lies down on a large mountain of pillows. Perfect for all those who like it “from behind”.
- Missionary position: No matter if she is on top or he is. This classic position is perfect for slow sex…because you have very close physical contact and can look into each other’s eyes all the time. Wrap yourself up and make yourself comfortable.
Well…No matter what sex position you trx. Slowness is the highest command. Fast movements are taboo. Take your time and enjoy the feeling that you are very close to each other…
Even short erection breaks are perfectly okay – and yes, even desired! This means that you can continue to practice and enjoy slow sex for hours together.
#3: The climax…right?
We have already emphasized it. Slow sex is not primarily about the orgasm of your partner. It is about the process. The journey to get there. The mindfulness.
But that doesn’t mean that a climax in this sex practice has to be completely left out! So if you can’t hold it back anymore, let yourself go and enjoy the orgasm. But beware: It can be quite intense after such a long build-up.
If the climax does not come or if you have general orgasm problems, it is okay! Just feel the intensity of the movements and enjoy this unique feeling of arousal. Whether with or without orgasm: during slow sex you will almost go crazy with lust. And that’s the wonderful thing about it…