The swingers lifestyle has been around for some time now, the only thing that’s changed is the fact that we’re speaking about it. We’re living in an exciting time where we have greater access to understanding and learning about people’s sexual experiences – the good, the bad and the clunky.
So, you’re interested in swinging? Whether you’re simply curious about the lifestyle, or you’re ready to jump straight in, here are a few talking points you should have with your partner before beginning this new sexual adventure.
Why do you want to swing?
As with all new sexual experiences – you must talk about it in great detail prior to jumping right in. Each of you need to openly communicate your desires, fears, boundaries, fantasies and so on. This is a vital first step and the more open you are, the easier it will be. You may be interested in swinging for a variety of reasons – maybe you’re excited by the shared pleasure, or perhaps it’s been on your mind for a while and now seems like the right time to explore. It’s important to note that if you’re leaning towards swinging as a way to fix or mend your relationship, your hopes may fall flat. The swinger lifestyle should be fun and exciting and should only be pursued by couples who are truly enjoying themselves. If you think you need some relational support, it’s best to start with therapy or seeking the support of a professional before taking the matters into another couple’s hands.
Swinger Basics
What exactly does it look like? This will be different for everyone! The good news is that you can make up your own rules! So perhaps you agree to attend together but only engage with each other, or you must check in before engaging with anyone else, or you can do anything with anyone so long as it’s in another room or on a specific night you each have free reign. The rules may be more geared around timing, do you arrive and leave together? What do you do if someone is overwhelmed or tired and wants to leave early? The more clarity you have around boundaries before entering the space, the easier it will be to navigate them in real time. And remember, consent can change at any time – just because you agreed to one thing, it doesn’t mean you’re tied to this. It’s really important to have each other’s back and constantly check in with verbal and nonverbal cues.
Swinger couples: Build your sexual self-confidence
Yes, a healthy dose of confidence is important for all sexual experiences, even more so when you’re trying something new. Prior to engaging in the swingers lifestyle, there are a few things you can do to work on your sexual self-confidence. This may be mirror work, setting and practicing your boundaries on a daily basis, a regular self-pleasure practice, mantras, movement, therapy – the list goes on and it’s a really individual thing. So, create a tool kit of practices that support you in exuding your self-confidence. Confidence also goes a long way when you’re at a party – so back yourself!
Partner-swapping: the first steps
The online world is actually a great place to start as it provides access to a breadth of couples and also allows you to suss each other out before meeting IRL. There are dating sites for all your needs so do a bit of research and find the best one for you and your partner.
Swinger couples: How to start…
As you’re new to this, I invite you to slow it right down. And then slow it down some more. There’s a whole lot of joy, excitement and arousal that comes with dating a couple so slow it down and enjoy the process – you don’t need to rush into things. This allows you to connect, try something new, and also gives you time to check in with your body and your partner to assess how you’re feeling. If it feels good, move at the pace that works for you both. If it feels murky or not quite right, move on!
Hit the clubs
Now this won’t be for everyone but there are probably more swingers clubs in your local area than you would have imagined. And google is your friend! Do your research and find a club, party or gathering that suits your needs and desires. The more events you attend, the more you’ll be in the know of upcoming events – so build your network!
Dipping your toes into the swingers lifestyle may feel a little daunting at first – simply because you may not know where to start! See this as a guide to whet your palette and know that there are so many ways to engage in this lifestyle – how you do so is completely up to you and your partner! Spend time figuring out what works for you, learning about your desires, understanding your boundaries, doing your research, keeping each other safe and taking your time to enjoy the process.
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