Why am I so in favor of dirty talk, even though it sometimes can be so embarrassing? First of all–yes, I am really great with coming up with nasty things to say. And no, I am not always hyper-sexual. And that’s not bad at all, in fact, it’s the opposite. For me, dirty talk is a lot more than sexy texting or foreplay, all to turn my partner on. Dirty talk can do so much more!
Dirty talk is not always just dirty talk
In my opinion, there are three different types of dirty talk:
Dirty talk as an ice-breaker.
I certainly made this mistake when I was first having sex–throwing sexy talk around like I was in a porno rarely proved effective. Then came the recognition that I can confidently say, “Wouldn’t you like your big eel to take a swim in my slippery pleasure cave?”–and bam, I have him exactly where I want him! Yes, in my slippery cave of pleasure, but at the same time I have created a relaxed, funny and open atmosphere in bed. And what can be better than to have fun during sex.
Dirty talk instead of dirty sex.
It might not sound so sexy at first–but I’m quite lazy and relaxed in bed. Therefore I’m happy to use dirty talk, to pep up my sex life without having to run through the entire Karma Sutra. And if I start with that, even the most adventurous lover can’t picture devious sex positions anymore–and so it is just the missionary position. It also usually works when turning down unwanted position suggestions. He asks for anal sex on a day that you’re not so interested in losing the full function of your sphincter? Instead of frustrating your partner with a rejection, turn the tables and offer him a dirty alternative. The more explicit words I choose, the more persuasive I am.
Dirty talk as a sex booster.
And there it is–the pillow talk that you expected with the headline. This is because it turns me on like crazy to say dirty things in bed. When it is the same with my sexual partner, I turn it one or even three levels down. Instead, I concentrate on the essentials: I describe what my partner is currently doing (“Your cock is pulsating”), or I formulate my own wish list (“Now, do it from behind”), or I ask him, how I can make him happy (“Should I blow you until you come?”). Of course, worded in the finest of gutter talk. Pet names and diminutives à la Princess Sophia from “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days” are better left alone. Dirty talk works especially well as feedback (“Yes, put it in right there, harder!”) and even serves another purpose: it improves my sex life, as it makes it so much easier to share my preferences and desires.
Dirty talk – How do we start?
I’m sorry, unfortunately I can’t offer you a sexting dictionary. The boundaries between hot and unpleasant dirty talk absolutely comes down to context and plays differently with every individual. As per usual, practice makes perfect, as no porno-poet has fallen from the sky just yet. Practice means also making mistakes too. If you initiate some dirty banter, don’t be discouraged by embarrassment. If you are trying out dirty talk for the first time or want to improve your sexting, you can always start in the safe zone:
- Watch porn! Most of the time, they are the best guide for what NOT to do.
- Go to porn karaoke! It’s at least as funny as PowerPoint Karaoke and you can expand your vocabulary with some new gems. Take the object of your desire, so together you can slowly shed some of your taboo hang-ups.
- If you are reluctant to watch others having sex, just watch yourself instead. Nowhere else will you learn more about how you come off in bed than with a mirror-view or a video of your own dirty talk. But be careful: don’t forget to delete the tapes!
So, if you start slow and don’t turn it into a piece of theater, pillow talk can bring you a lot of joy! How you come off to your partner/s can come down to your vocabulary and your attitude. Dirty talk goes hand-in-hand with intimacy though, because as much we try, sometimes dirty talk just isn’t as sexy as it should be. And you can only truly enjoy it if you really trust your companion in bed.