Sex tips for long-term relationships: Wisdom from the older generation
Marta, 72
I have three children and five grandchildren. And sometimes I have the feeling that none of my family can imagine that I have needs other than just being there for my family and making everyone happy. I like to do that, no question about it, but I know that the main thing I have to do is to make myself happy. This is the only way I can be there for others. And it makes me happy when I listen to what my body needs. And that includes regular sex. Thank God my husband, who is my age, sees it exactly the same way. We have a fulfilling, active love life – and always have. That hasn’t changed with age. We used to have to find time for sex because the children were small and the job was stressful; we do today because we have a lot of social obligations. But we always set aside the time for sensual connection and we still do it today.
My tip: pay attention to what makes you happy. And then do it!
Fred, 67
I was brought up very liberally for the time – sex was never a taboo subject in my family. Sometimes I get the feeling that young people these days are much more uptight and have a problem talking openly about lust and love. That is too bad. I was always able to clearly articulate my wants and needs and I think that’s why I always had a fulfilling sex life. I tried many things in bed with my first wife, and we both had fun. My second wife found it a little difficult, but we still had many wonderful intimate hours. Unfortunately, she died a few years ago. After her death, I didn’t even think about sex for a long time – the first time in my adult life – but for some time now my lust has been reawakened. I don’t feel old, I am fit and I feel like having sex. And I’ve been living it out recently with my new girlfriend. I am curious to see what awaits us.
My tip: Realize that sex is not a taboo subject and talk openly about your wishes, fantasies and preferences.
Hans, 79.
To be honest, as a young person, I would never have thought that when I was almost 80 I would still feel like sex. That’s why I can understand young people well who think that old people no longer have an active love life. Although I have to admit that the activity does subside a little over the years. When my wife and I were younger we had sex several times a week and that was important to both of us. But that gets less and less from year to year. Even if we are comparatively fit, we already have our physical problems. And that not only affects the frequency of our love making, but the way we interact also changes. With age, it’s more about cuddling and exchanging tenderness, we no longer have to prove to ourselves that we can do the Kama Sutra. Still, I think it’s important not to stop touching and being tender with one another. We humans need touch to be happy. If that suddenly disappeared just because you’re not 40 anymore, then we would wither away. I often think of friends of mine who live alone and probably feel lonely because nobody touches them anymore. I’m very sorry about that and I appreciate it all the more that my wife and I still have each other.
My tip: Accept if your sex changes with age. But don’t stop touching and let yourself be touched.