How to Have Phone Sex: A Guide to Good Dirty Talk

Our resident sexpert, Gigi Engle, explained how to make the most of your virtual rendezvous during quarantine – but it’s always good to know how to have phone sex in lockdown and beyond!

What is phone sex and why is it important?

The question “what is phone sex” means something different nowadays than it did even five or ten years ago. Phone sex can include video calling, sexting, swapping images or leaving dirty talk voice messages – and it’s only gotten more important. We’ve all been trying to balance coronavirus anxiety with the need for stability in our lives. This “new reality” is uncharted terrain for most people and we’re all kind of flying by the seats of our pants. When it comes to dating, it’s a bit like the Wild Wild West out there. It’s exciting, new and strange because there are no real rules in place. Dinner dates, movies and IRL, skin-on-skin contact is becoming possible again, but there’s still something to be said for a little phone sex and dirty talk. 

It REALLY helped in lockdown… “The anxiety and uncertainty of not knowing when you can physically be together again is hard, which is why phone sex can help,” says Lucy Rowett, a clinical sexologist and certified intimacy coach. “Phone sex means you can still have a sexual connection and be reminded that you are still a sexual being even in a crisis, which can boost your mood and help with feeling hopeless, especially if you have been forced to go into quarantine.”

Luckily, in 2021 we have  a host of techy options, such as phone sex and virtual dating to keep connected and keep things interesting. Having a solid arsenal of information on having good phone and video sex is pretty important, so we’ve put together a guide.

Using apps and video calling to foster physical connection

First, let’s talk about why video sex is important for intimacy, because this is not a joke. 

Video calling is the new normal for dating and intimacy.

We need to be able to see, hear, and experiment with our partners as much as possible. As D’Angelo said at the height of the pandemic, “We need connection right now and we especially need that connection with our significant others, if separated. Video sex allows you to hear your partner’s voice, seeing facial expressions, sharing emotional intimacy and ultimately not feeling alone in this crazy-weird time,” says Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist. “Phone [and] video sex is an exchange of energy, that can put us in a better mood, feeling emotionally supported and also keeping our erotic energy levels high which is great for our bodies and immune system”.

It’s no surprise that apps and video interfaces have seen a huge increase due to Covid-19.

At sex toy company We-Vibe, there has been a significant increase in their We-Connect App usage due to the time spent in quarantine. This really shows how people have been trying to make the most of their time in quarantine and beyond. This app allows you to control haptic sex toys remotely, meaning that you can use the app to turn on your partner’s toy, your own toy, or both. Two features of the app that take long-distance intimacy to a whole new level are Beat mode and Touch mode. Beat mode matches the vibrations of your favorite toy to the music of your choice. Touch mode translates every movement on-screen to a unique vibration.

According to We-Vibe: “Compared to March of the previous year (2019), we can see an increase in app downloads of 45% and 109,469 more active sessions in March 2020. This is an increase in usage of 58% compared to the same period last year”. The partner feature of the app is where they’ve seen the biggest jump, with a 32% increase.

Plus, the We-Connect App has a built in video feature, making it a one-stop shop for video sex. Did you know that Skype, Facebook Messenger, and Zoom are easy-to-use, but aren’t super secure? With the We-Connect App, you can enjoy completely secure video calling. You have to admit, this is pretty important when you’re getting naked on camera. You always want to prioritise security as much as possible when it comes to sharing intimate acts on screen. 

Set a time for your phone-sex date

Make sure you’re setting up an actual “sexy-time” date before you have the call. Having a virtual date is the same as a regular date, so you do need to make sure you’re both available to get it on. 

Rowett says it’s also important to be sure that during this time, you’re not going to be interrupted. “You can arrange a time in advance to make sure you won’t be disturbed or overheard, or if you know it would give you a thrill to be spontaneous, let your partner know that you will call them at some point and to be ready, especially if one of you has kids at home and need them to be in another room,” she says.

If having a regular, recurring date time is easier for you, set that time as your “sex time.” You can even throw a Google Calendar invite on the schedule for 8pm each evening. Whatever works for you.

If you have roommates or children in the next room, be sure you have your earbuds ready to go. Sex while on the phone is hot, but it’s also something that should be shared with your partner and not your entire household.

Set the mood

Setting the mood for sexy time is super important. If you’re not engaging all of your senses, sexuality can feel a bit stale and stunted. You want to be sure all your erotic energy is flowing freely. 

“Set the mood, prep yourself and your space as if this was an in-person date, shower, put on something that makes you feel empowered, light your favorite candle or play your favorite sexy-time playlist,” D’Angelo says. If you don’t have a sexy playlist, hop on Spotify and make one! Making a sexual playlist is like self-foreplay before you get down and dirty on video.

Get some toys and lube

Be sure that you bring your favorite toys and lube to the party. Sex toys allow you to have a ton of pleasure in full-view of your partner. 

“Now could be a great time to invest in a remote control vibrator that can be controlled by an app,” Rowett says. “There are so many different wearable toys that you either insert or place on the penis, where it is linked to an app and your partner can control it.” There are many long-distance apps and toys to choose from, but my personal favorite is the We-Vibe Sync and Ditto. Nearly every We-Vibe toy can be used with the We-Connect App. It really is a one-stop shop. 

You’ll also want to be sure that you have some clean-up wipes or tissues near the bed for your post-sex cleanup. Preparation is key.

Share sexy clips

Getting turned on and inspired during this wild and uncertain time can take some creativity. Try sharing some erotic stories, porn clips, or anything else you find sexy with your partner. You should always do this through an encrypted service. 

I recommend using WhatsApp for its end-to-end encryption or simply staying inside your We-Connect App – because it keeps all your phone sex features in one place, from video, to toy control, to messaging.

The best places for erotic materials definitely vary, but the erotic short stories on FrolicMe always get the juices flowing. Plus, they’re free!

Gigi Engle is a sexpert, certified sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.