This easier said than done, like nearly everything in life. It’s an ongoing process that may never fully end. You need to be OK with that. “Self-love is the foundation to your whole wellbeing. Physical, mental, emotional, and sexual,” says Lucy Rowett, a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach. Here are some tangible ways to stop buying into the BS and learn to love yourself the way you deserve. I did a lot of self-work for you. I hope these lessons help!
To this day I struggle to love my body, especially. Even when I’m stupidly skinny, I look in the mirror and see a few pounds that could stand to be shed.
Why self-love is such a complex issue for people (especially women)
Self-love is a difficult and complicated issue for all people, but especially for women. Women are socialised and expected to be “givers.” The idea that we could have agency and control over our lives, bodies, and pleasure is something that has only recently made its way into the modern vernacular. I remember the first time I actually decided to stop trying to make people like me and started living for myself. It was such a terrifying prospect. What if no one liked me and I was all alone?
To this day I struggle to love my body, especially. Even when I’m stupidly skinny, I look in the mirror and see a few pounds that could stand to be shed. The pressure for women to look a certain way is instilled inside of us. Everything we hear is about being “pretty enough” or “thin enough,” in order to be deemed a valuable choice as a wife and mother. “Even if [women] make themselves look good it may be for the pressure of fitting in rather than just for themselves. There are a lot of stresses on women to look a certain way [to] achieve success,” Mckenzie explains.
Be gentle with yourself
It’s important to first look inside and do inner work before embarking on a true journey of self-acceptance. Look at the ways in which certain societal values may have impacted your self-esteem and the place you see for yourself in the world. That self-realization is the foundation needed to be equipped to imbibe yourself with love. “Be patient with yourself when it comes to self-love. You’re learning a completely new skill and learning to parent yourself again, this takes practice, so don’t beat yourself up for not loving yourself yet,” Rowett adds.
There are days when I’m on top of the world, and others when I feel like I’m failing at everything and everyone hates me.
Find a self-love routine: ways to love yourself
For the most part, I think I am awesome. Truly, unapologetically awesome. But, that took and takes constant practice. There are days when I’m on top of the world, and others when I feel like I’m failing at everything and everyone hates me. The key is practice. When I am down on myself and feeling like a turd, I draw a glorious, luxurious bubble bath and I soak in it. And I mean really soak in it. Like, until the water is tepid and the bubbles have disappeared into the tub.
Afterwards, I lather myself in body butter and look at myself in the mirror. I name 3-5 things that I absolutely love about my body. Rowett agrees with this approach, citing that we all need to be our own cheerleader. Finally, in true sexologist fashion, I take out my Womanizer or my Tango and give myself a much-deserved orgasm. Nothing makes me feel grounded and more sure of my badassery than an orgasm. Remember to keep your vibes charged. There is nothing worse than your practice getting derailed by a sad, dead sex toy.