What’s your number? It doesn’t matter!

slutshame

Despite dating apps making sex accessible with just a swipe of the finger, people are still obsessed with how their sexual history adds up. One thing’s for sure, there’s too little time to be wondering about how much is too many or too few…

In the age of Tinder, Bumble and all the other hook-up apps, it’s surprising that there is still so much stigma around the concept of “your number.” No, not your phone number, I mean the number of sexual partners you’ve had during your life. There’s even a rom-com dedicated to the subject and the heroine discovers people really think there’s such a thing as “too many.”

In a way, it’s a bit sad that people place so much importance on having the right number. Too few and you’re seen as a prude, while too high a number might mean you’re not very discerning in whom you choose to sleep with.

What’s the mysterious magic number that is just enough, yet not too much?

To be honest, it doesn’t exist. There really isn’t a right answer that will suit everybody and why should you care? Everybody’s sexuality is individual and can’t be judged on some mythical universal scale.

Different strokes for different folx…

In a room of people, someone might be asexual and not enjoy sex at all, the next person might have a high libido and enjoy regular sex, while the next person might be celibate. The next person along (possibly me) might have just bought a really good vibrator and is more interested in that than any sexual partners right now. The point is: when it comes to sex, the idea of applying a general rule like how many sexual partners is too many just doesn’t make sense.

In fact, there are many more important questions to ask before anything about numbers comes up. Do you have protection? Have you been tested recently for STIs? Do you feel comfortable with this? These are all the questions we should really be asking when it comes to getting intimate.

Even though it’s interesting to compare yourselves with your peers and even previous generations, there are more important things to consider with sex. Getting hung up on numbers is just a waste of time – time you could spend on other, more fulfilling activities.

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Author

Tegwen is a full-time freelance writer and part-time podcast superfan. She works on projects in everything from tech to sexual politics – but secretly dreams of the day she’s asked to write a book about all of her Harry Potter conspiracy theories.