How to have a sex dream

sex dreams o-diaries

Fancy waking up to an orgasm instead of your alarm?  Here Coco O discusses sex dreams and how to steer your subconscious so you have them again and again.

Last night I had sex in front of a circle of strangers. In my dreams, of course. It was essentially a wet dream – pretty much like a teenage boy during puberty – except I’m a 30-year-old woman with a bedside drawer full of vibrators and an expensive scented candle habit. In my hazy dream world, I was naked on top of a man I didn’t recognise and we were surrounded by a circle of people in a forest clearing. So far, so tribal – there were drums too – and while there’s every chance I was just living out my exhibitionist cave girl fantasies, I remember being annoyed. Was our drumming circle enjoying the free sex show? Not one bit. No-one was looking at us. Irritated, I rocked faster and faster to the drums until I climaxed – yup, a real-world orgasm that woke me up – and my hands were firmly by my side the whole time. Promise.

How do you orgasm in your sleep?

When you sleep, more blood flows to your clitoris, which can lead to arousal in the brain and, eventually, orgasm. ‘In fact, we gals orgasm in our dreams far more often than men,’ say dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg while a study by the Kinsey Report found that around 37 per cent of women will experience sleep orgasms by the age of 45. If you find yourself distracted during normal real-world sex – I’m often distracted by whirring thoughts if I’m feeling stressed – it won’t surprise you to know that nocturnal orgasms are easier because you’re so relaxed.

How to increase your sex dreams

Instead of falling asleep worrying about tomorrow’s to-do list, increase the likelihood of a sex dream by playing out a fantasy over and over as you drift off to sleep. A 2012 study also found that sleeping on your stomach promotes sex dreams because the feeling of contact with a mattress can be confused as another body pressing against yours and a Journal of Sex Research study found that sex dreams are more prevalent during ovulation when our libidos are higher.

Spoiler alert: sex dreams aren’t always about sex

While sex dreams can be thoroughly enjoyable, they aren’t necessarily about a physical union. In fact, it’s more about a psychological union. ‘Being on top is indicative of taking control, being assertive and fearless,’ says Loewenberg. ‘If you dream of having sex and being on top, perhaps you’ve started your own business or confronted and handled a difficult issue. Drumming also suggests moving to the beat of your own drum. Even in real life, if you don’t feel recognised for your masterful accomplishment –  hence being ignored by the drummers – the subconscious might be pleased with you. That’s where the orgasm comes in! That’s the sweet reward for a job well done.’

Sweet dreams can improve your life

What’s more, the sex we experience in our dreams can give us fun new ideas and break down restricting inhibitions. ‘One of the purposes of dreaming is to serve as dress rehearsal by allowing us to experience and figure out how to best accomplish a goal in real life,’ says Loewenberg.

Sex toys to increase your sex dreams

We-Vibe Rave

We-Vibe Rave

The unusual asymmetric shape makes finding your G-spot effortless.

We-Vibe-Chorus

We-Vibe Chorus

This couples vibrator is the most intuitive sex toy at all.

womanizer DUO

Womanizer DUO

DUO delivers the perfect blend of clitoral and G-spot stimulation.

ROMP Beat

ROMP Beat

This bullet vibrator is perfectly shaped, for clitoral stimulation.

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Author

In the name of journalism, I’ve been tied up at Shibari Japanese rope bondage classes, visited porn cinemas and met my match at a pheromone dating party. I’ve sat with directors on porn sets, observed girl-on-girl sensual massages and watched a dominatrix spank a client in an upmarket London hotel room (she even ordered us room service halfway through). Although my career writing about sex and relationships has made something of a voyeur out of me, I’m mostly fascinated by the interconnection between sex, love and our unconscious behaviors. Our past profoundly influences our present and if we all finally began to recognize this fact, where would we be? Who would we be with?