When it comes to heating things up in foreplay or during sex, massage, toys and exciting accessories are all well and good. However, you also have a few free tools available already at hand – literally! Fingering is an underrated art form and, if done properly, can enhance intimacy and aid in more intense pleasure than ever before.
There are many types of fingering and what suits one person might not suit another. Explore our guide and find out not only how to think outside of the box, but also how to find what works best for you.
How to finger a woman
Okay, so first things first, before you even contemplate undoing any zippers or buttons, head to the bathroom and wash your hands. The genitals are a delicate ecosystem and it’s always a good idea to make sure your hands are clean and free of anything that could cause issues instead of orgasms!
1. Communication is key
It might sound obvious but before you go diving in, ask your partner what they like. A lot of our preferences are developed over time through our own self-love habits. That means there’s a LOT of room for variation and small differences.
The best way to find out what your partner likes if they have a vulva and clitoris is to ASK!
2. Start slow
It might be tempting to go straight for the clitoris (YAY! You found it!) but please resist that. It’s a bit like diving into the exciting end of the movie and missing all of the fun of the first hour. There’s a lot of fun to be had when it comes to fingering so take your time. Explore the outer lips of the vulva, which are called the labia. These are sensitive and will usually enjoy a little finger play.
Try gentle massaging movements and, if it’s not wet enough, add some lube in too.
3. Explore a little
Once you have made your mark on the outer area of the vulva, you can head inside to the vagina. Here is a good time to check in again on your partner and see how they are enjoying your efforts.
After your fingers are inside, there are few different techniques that are often quite effective. Your aim is, of course, the G-spot. While the walls of the interior vaginal canal are incredibly sensitive, there is a small region that can feel slightly bumpy to the touch. This is the G-spot and your aim is to excite this region with gentle, consistent stimulation.
How to finger a man
If your partner has a penis, they are likely to also enjoy fingering. While it might be more commonly known as a way to stimulate the vagina, vulva, and clitoris, the areas around the penis and anus are also highly sensitive.
Why do guys like fingering?
One of the most pleasurable places to arouse on the body is the anal region. The bundle of nerves around the anus are incredibly responsive to touch but it’s also a hot spot internally too.
In fact, it’s known as the A-spot (the anal version of the G-spot) and there’s a whole range of toys, along with fingering techniques, that focus on it.
How to try anal fingering
The good news is that anal fingering can be fun for both people with vaginas OR penises. Anal stimulation is a great addition to foreplay or can also be added for extra stimulation during things like oral sex.
1. Keep it clean
Just like with fingering the vagina, clean hands are important! It not only shows your partner you’ve come prepared, but it’s also key because you’re dealing with sensitive areas of the skin.
Another important hygiene tip is to make sure you wash your hands once you are done fingering. While fingering an anus is usually mess-free, there is a small chance that tiny particles of feces or even STIs may be transferred to other parts of the body with touch. If you’re using toys, try using a condom and make sure you wash your toys thoroughly after using them in each area.
2. Keep your partner relaxed and ready
The anus is a very responsive spot and as a result, the muscle can tense up very quickly. In order to stimulate the A-spot or prostate, build up movements slowly and gently. It also helps to use lubrication.
3. Feel your way around
Once you have managed to insert a finger or two into the anus, you can now feel for the prostate, which is the most sensitive part of the anus.
Located a couple of centimeters beyond the anal constrictor muscle, the prostate is a small, walnut-shaped gland. For people with a penis, it’s one of the most erogenous spots on the body. The best way to stimulate this is to aim towards the belly and move your finger back and forth, applying gentle pressure with each stroke.
Best fingering techniques
That sentence is a bit of a misnomer as there isn’t one fixed technique that is amazing for everybody. Just as experience tells you, a lot of the time, it comes down to just asking your partner for feedback or what they’re into.
That said, there are still some tried and true ways you can start things off and adjust if necessary.
If your partner likes internal stimulation, here are some things to try:
- A popular motion is a gentle swirling drag of the finger inside the vagina. By moving in circles, there is a sense of a pattern and it can be easier to build up a rhythm.
- If your partner has a G-spot, it might be worth trying the “come here” crook of the fingers. By pushing two fingers together, make a motion like you’re calling someone to you and push the fingers against the front wall of the vagina.
- Mimicking penetration is also often effective. By recreating the deep strokes of a penis or toy, you can use the outward strokes to stimulate the labia and the clitoris too. If necessary, you can use one hand to penetrate and the other to focus on the clitoris or even use your mouth.
- It may also help to add in a toy. If you find you can not reach the G-spot, adding in a specific toy like We-Vibe Rave can help stimulate that area while you can use your other hand to massage the labia and clitoris.
Health and Safety
While fingering is fun and a great way to amp up your foreplay sessions, it’s also important to make sure you’re having fun SAFELY. There are just a few things to keep in mind when it comes to fingering and hygiene.
Although there is no big risk of getting HIV through fingering, there can be some issues if there is blood, sperm, or seminal fluid on your fingers. STIs can actually be transmitted by fingers, so it’s important to wash your hands and toys thoroughly.
The main STIs that can survive outside of the body and be a genuine risk if proper hygiene isn’t followed are those like chlamydia or genital warts. While using condoms, even finger condoms, are a great way to ensure everyone’s safety, the best method is communication.
Be open with your partner about each other’s sexual health and then you both can decide to move forward in an informed and trust-filled environment.