Threesome without drama: guide to good group sex

Threesomes (and even group sex) fill many people’s naughtier version of their bucket list. For some, having group sex, experiencing a sex party or threesome all remain in fantasy land. But if you do want to explore threesomes and group sex, how do these constellations work, remain respectful and drama-free? Author Tina Molin has a few tips to help guide you and your partner(s).

The threesome is the classic sex fantasy for a lot of people. When We-Vibe conducted a global study with over 9,000 participants, results showed in Germany alone that one out of three people dream of a threesome.

Hardly surprising, when you consider how difficult it can be to remain monogamous after three years in bed together with all the trappings of a daily routine. Often, a couple’s sexual interests can fade on both sides. Partners may no longer spark the “I have to have you right here, right now” reaction in each other. Instead, couples resort to watching Netflix and cuddling. But if an open relationship is too far out of your comfort zone, a threesome or even attending a sex party may be a good solution to put some spice back into your sex life.

Guide to good group sex: Use Apps for a threesome

A threesome promises the security a healthy relationship plus the kick of something new. It can provide a combination of lust, gratification and ecstasy – multiplied. A third person means another mouth to kiss, another pair of breasts to fondle or penis to stroke, and definitely another pair of hands to be touched by.

But how exactly does one go about finding a suitable extra for group sex? Naturally, a rather handy solution already exists and it’s called Feeld. The app works like Tinder and was originally called 3nder. It works by listing potential sexual partners in the vicinity and allowing the user to swipe through until they have found their perfect match for a threesome, foursome, orgy or gang-bang. If swinging is of interest, Feeld is full of curious and seasoned couples alike. Best practice is to meet first in a low pressure situation such as dinner and drinks. Jackpot!

But before you jump right in, here are a few useful tips to consider. Reality is rarely like some glossy porn film. Group sex can be messy and sometimes awkward, for example when your skin gets squeezed or your elbow hits a partner (or a partner’s elbow hits you…). And other times you may not know what to do at all. Crucially, it requires flexibility of mind. Ideas of the perfect group sex will often need to be abandoned and all the awkwardness of the act accepted with a grin.

Then there’s the possibility of emotional challenges. Perhaps a husband always wanted a threesome, but when he finally sees his wife being taken doggy-style, he throws a jealous temper tantrum. Or maybe a girlfriend starts feeling like a third wheel or suddenly realizes that the new person is in fact connecting a little too well.

Tips for group sex: planning is everything

So, before you turn your fantasy into reality, it’s useful to be aware of two things: planning and mindfulness. Ask yourself what you really want. Are you having a threesome for yourself or your partner? What are your expectations of group sex? Some may want a full-on experience whilst others want a four-hand massage. What’s okay with you? Is the other person allowed to penetrate your girlfriend?

It’s also worth playing through parts of the evening. When should it end? Is the third party, the so-called ‘sex unicorn’, allowed to stay overnight? What about hygiene preparations and safe sex? And do you have enough sex toys on hand?

The next step is to find the right partner. If you find a suitable match on an app, go and meet them beforehand to work out if the chemistry is right. It’s important to check whether expectations and preferences align with reality. Will they participate in bondage games? Tantric massage rituals? Or perhaps something different altogether? If you’re the unicorn joining another couple, make sure they’re interested in your pleasure just as much as their own. Threesome experts warn of sayings such as: “It’s a present for my partner.” In such cases, it’s best to stay away.

The big night

On the evening itself, mindfulness is just as important as the sex. Be aware of everyone in the room so that you don’t experience an emotional hangover the next morning. No one should feel left behind, sexually or emotionally. Make eye contact with your partner to ensure that both of you are still okay. Many couples also work out signals in advance to let their partners know that everything is going well, or that they feel unsure or wish to stop immediately. It’s a great way to let each other know when things have perhaps been taken a step too far. Just to be sure, always remember to ask your partner whether they’re enjoying themselves.

What happens if you don’t like it?

No big deal. Sometimes the illusion is more compelling than the reality. Sometimes, the setting or the match are right, and other times you just can’t get into it. If it’s not working, just say “stop” and abandon the whole thing. Remain friendly and polite, but be assertive and afterwards write a little thank-you text. If there is drama, just talk about it openly and listen. Sometimes, threesomes can uncover issues in a relationship that haven’t come up before. There may be anger, jealousy, accusations and feelings of inferiority. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a couple’s therapist. In situations like this their guidance can actually help couples grow.

By the way, it does not have to be just another person who revives the sex life. How about trying a toy instead of Tom from the gym, for example?

My tip: Toy threesome with the We-Vibe Chorus

Take the couple’s vibrator We-Vibe Chorus with you into your partner play. Completely without shame or jealousy, but full of tingling excitement as Chorus is especially intuitive and smart. Worn by vulva-owners, it stimulates the G-spot, clitoris and also the erogenous zones for penis-owners.

Thanks to app control and an intuitive squeeze remote control, it blends harmoniously into sexual play. With its intuitive Touch-Sense modes, Chorus senses body movements and reacts independently, making it the perfect third partner in bed.

By the way, we discussed the We-Vibe Chorus in detail in a review. Click here!