Whether you already have your costume box read to go or you’re curious about dipping your toe into the role play waters, there are a few things you need to know. Let’s dive in!
As with all things intimate, communication is fundamental to any bedroom play. A huge element of making sure everything you try is consensual is that you and your partner are on the same page.
Role play doesn’t have to be some cliché 50 Shades-esque shenanigans. If you want to find a more fun angle than play things totally serious, go ahead. Role play isn’t just about sex, it’s about having fun and creating a connection with your partner. And rest assured, if you feel like your fantasy is too wacky to put into words, there’s a probably a couple out there right now dressed as Bert and Ernie. In other words, enjoy whatever floats your boat!
Unless you’re card carrying members of the role play society, it’s not likely that you have a wardrobe of costumes on hand. But it must be said, costumes are a great way to get into the mindset of your “character” and kick things off. So improvise. If you have a cardigan and some glasses, bam! You’re the stern librarian who needs to teach that noisy guy a lesson. A dressing gown? Maybe you’re a Hogwarts student in their wizard robes. Imagination is 90% of the fun.
4. Props are welcome!
Remember, in the same way that costumes help you get into the swing of things, so do props. If you want to play as some dominant version of yourself, maybe grab a ruler or paddle hairbrush. A feather duster is a great accessory for a maid and is also great for tickle play too!
5. Start off slow
There’s no rush! If you’re new to role play, take your time and explore at your own pace. Even if your partner has more experience with this type of intimacy, don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not comfortable with. And always remember, that integrating more serious elements of role play, like BDSM, requires a WHOLE OTHER conversation. Consent is the name of the game and safety is serious business.
It’s not just a great tune from the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack, it’s also one of the cheapest and space-saving ways of building your role play repertoire. Whether you like those lacy masks from a ball or something a bit more adult (…ball gags), it’s worth investing in one or two. It’s strange but just by covering the face, the whole mood can change and you can feel empowered in anonymity.
7. Judgement-free zone
Unless your partner’s fantasies involve some potentially criminal vibes, it’s important to keep an open mind when discussing what you would like to try. Remember, it takes a lot of vulnerability to voice things you’re not confident about and it shows your partner really trusts you. So don’t repay that with judgement! And if you’re not too sure about it, try starting with some dirty talk…
8. Location, location, location
Why keep things limited to the bedroom? Role playing as strangers meeting in a bar has already become commonplace on the sitcoms our parents watch, so it’s really not as edgy or silly as you might think. If you’re desperate for a date night, why not take a true break from the everyday and dress up in your finest and go on a “blind date” with your partner.
9. Enquiring minds want to know…
If you’re really embarrassed by your fantasy and don’t know how to open the conversation, try writing it down. Either write a little short story or even sext your partner with an overview. Some people find it easier to communicate without having to describe the fantasy face to face, so why not give it a try and see if it helps you get things off your chest.
Like all good sporting fields, boundaries are necessary! Be clear from the start about what you are down for and what you really want to avoid. Have a safeword system, i.e. have a definite stop word and something that means to slow down or change things up.
11. Don’t be afraid of inspo
As much as people pretend they don’t watch porn, the viewing figures don’t lie. Find a good, ethical porn source and there will be a plethora of material to give you ideas. And it can be a real mood-setter too!
12. Invite guest stars
Aside from props, toys are also a great way to help things along when you’re first trying out role play. By using a vibrator or couple’s toy, you can focus more on staying in the mindset of the fantasy. Let the toys do the heavy lifting while you bring it home!
13. Role play needs foreplay too
Why not start the performance early with a little pre-game texting? Send your partner texts in character and start building the anticipation early!