No sex is not always a reason to worry about the state of a relationship. Sexual therapist Nicole Engel explores the many reasons why sometimes there’s no action in bed and explains that things might not be as bad as they seem.
I cannot lie. When the package arrived with my new public vibrator Moxie in it, I was very excited. Like, got-a-new-fun-present-and-can’t-wait-to-try-it-out excited. You know the feeling. I was buzzing, no pun intended.
My husband gave me a quizzical look. Being a sexologist, I sometimes assume he’s going to know what every single sex toy is without needing to explain it. This can often leave us with a disconnect where I don’t understand his confusion and he doesn’t understand why I’m puzzled by his not understanding. In the nicest, most loving way, of course. He’s also game for anything when opportunity strikes. So, when I explained what phone controlled vibrating panties were and that he’d be able to use the remote control, he was all about it.
The Public Vibrator Plan
My grand public vibrator plan was to go out for a fancy (outdoor) dinner while wearing it. Unfortunately, we’d just come back from a vacation in Greece and had to quarantine for two full weeks due to the Covid situation. The only place we were allowed to go was the grocery store. So, I decided I’d just wear it during our at-home workout and then to our trip to the grocery store. We must make do where we can to protect the community!
I’m always a bit skeptical about panty vibrators. They never seem to be strong enough to actually give me any pleasure. I’m very much a sucking or wand vibator kind of gal when it comes to power. To my delight, the Moxie really surprised me. It was …. a highly erotic trip to pick up eggs and milk, let me tell you.
What are panty vibrators?
A panty vibrator is exactly what it sounds like: a vibrator you wear in your panties. Sometimes they come with their own pair of underwear, complete with a pocket to place them in. I’ve always found this feature limiting as I’m picky AF about my underwear and don’t want my use to be limited by whether or not the provided pair are clean.
The Moxie is held in place by a magnet. You pop the vibe on and then use the magnet to secure it on the outside. It stays in place really well. While working out, I had no issues. I only had to rearrange it once after doing some rather painful plié squats. You control it via remote. During my workout, my husband didn’t change the intensity, as we were both pretty focused on not dying during HIIT. When we went to the grocery store, we finally got to have a little fun with the vibrator. He kept turning it up and up and up. He loves a chance to control my orgasm. It definitely had some Dom/sub energy and I was there for it.
The Moxie is also controllable via the We-Connect App. This is a nice feature because it makes using it in public even more discreet. It looks like you’re texting or scrolling through Instagram when really you’re making your partner squirm. It’s impressive.
Why would you want one?
Using a panty vibrator gives you and your partner a chance to play with power dynamics. This was the thing that made me want to give the Moxie a whirl in the first place. Letting your partner control your pleasure (and possibly orgasm) is a very sexy feeling. You just have to allow them to take the lead and roll with it.
“For many couples, they’re drawn to using a panty vibrator because it adds novelty and excitement to the relationship. There is an element of surprise, adventure, pleasure and secrecy when you’re in public. For the person wearing the panty vibrator you’re giving the power of your pleasure over to somebody else and that’s very exciting!” says Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.
I really enjoyed walking around the grocery store and having my pitch get slightly elevated while saying things like, “Do we need more ALMOND MILK?” right as my husband cranked up the settings. I’m sure you’re wondering, did she orgasm? And I’ll tell you, dear reader, that I did not orgasm. I did, however, come close a couple of times and was VERY ready for sexual activity once we arrived home. Quarantine sure gets a whole lot easier when you’re having lots of sex.
Additionally, it’s a fabulous tool for long distance couples. You can control the vibrator from wherever you are via the We-Connect App. This can be a great way for couples to connect when they aren’t able to do so IRL.
“It’s such a hot feeling to be going about your daily routine, all the while anticipating when you’ll feel a buzz below your belt. If you’re on an IRL date with a sweetie, panty vibrators are such a fun tease and the best possible foreplay,” says Charyn Pfeuffer, sex and relationships writer and author of 101 Ways to Rock Online Dating. She lovingly refers to her panty vibrator as “Girlfriend GPS.”