U*Diaries: Lust in Lockdown

phone-sex

There’s a rush of blood to my cheeks and I sigh in relief. I turn to face the screen that’s balanced on the cushion beside me and laugh at the expression on Jack’s face – the desire is clear even without seeing it in person.

24 hours earlier…

Are people still using dating apps during the city-wide lockdown and social distancing rules? Surely not, right? I’m bored enough to investigate so I log on and am surprised to find that after a few swipes left and right, I already have new chats popping up.

One face is kind of familiar, but I can’t place it. Soon enough, the notification telling me I have a new message from Jack slides across my screen and I take a look.

“So I guess this means you’re single now?” asks Jack. Suddenly, I remember where I know him from. My ex-boyfriend’s birthday party last year. He was there as a plus-one of someone and we struck up a conversation at the bar, while waiting for drinks. I remember now, I made fun of him for ordering bougie cocktails and we soon bonded over being the only Londoners there. There was a spark but I was focused on getting over an especially rocky patch with my boyfriend – I ignored Jack’s flirting and even when he followed me on Instagram a few days later, we never really talked more than sharing a few memes back and forth.

But now I’ve been single for six months after the world’s most draining break-up and I can’t help feel like this is a lucky twist of fate.

“So what’s the story?” asks Jack, prompting me to give a vague summary of events. Soon we are deep in conversation about our lockdown lifestyles, he laughs when I send through photos of the paint-by-numbers project I started during a particular low point.

It’s late before I know it and I have to work tomorrow, but I don’t want to stop chatting. Jack proves himself more direct than I’ll ever be when he just says, “Are you free tomorrow? Do you want to talk properly over video or something?”

This afternoon…

I don’t know why I’m nervous. We’re all in lockdown, how risqué can things possibly get? I shower and do my usual routine anyway, adding a spritz of perfume too. It makes no sense, but it makes me feel somehow more date-ready. There’s another thing I usually do before dates, so I light up and start looking for my favorite toy, the pink case is usually easy to find amongst my socks and underwear.

Just then my phone pings and I walk over to see a message from Jack. He wants to know what I’m up to, he’s bored and wouldn’t mind chatting a bit earlier – if I’m free now too. Should I be honest and actually say what I’m about to do or is that a bit too open? For whatever reason, I feel like Jack is the kind of guy who would be into this, so I send a quick photo of my Melt and my hand holding a joint.

“What is that? Something for your makeup?” he asks. It’s true, the Melt doesn’t look like your average sex toy but that’s fine, it’s anything but average. I send him the link for where I bought it and then I hear nothing for 5 minutes. Maybe being so honest was a bad idea.

My phone pings again and I’m relieved to see a message from him.

“I don’t want to be corny, but you might be my dream girl…” I laugh and roll my eyes. I’m everyone’s dream girl, duh.

Another ping. “Do you use this app with it too?”

“The We-Connect thing? Yeah, a few times alone for the different vibration modes and autopilot, and then once when my ex was home in Spain, but he really wasn’t into it.”

He writes back, “I think I’m into it. Do you want to?”

After he downloads the app, we both log in. The video chat request loads and soon I am face to face with Jack. It should be more awkward than it is, but I am stoned so I just smile and he laughs.

“Long time, no see” he says.

“What a way to re-connect,” I smirk. “Straight into the deep end, huh?”

We actually talk for a bit and it feels just as natural as when we first met at the bar. Soon the conversation turns flirty and he asks to see the toy. After demonstrating on my finger, he asks if he can take over. I can’t contain my smile as I feel the toys vibrations intensify and then drop off – all matched with his look of concentration.

I break the silence. “I’m want you to watch but I’m not doing any ridiculous porn angles.”

He laughs and the tension is broken for a moment. “I kind of just want to watch your face anyway, it would be like being next to you.”

I turn music on in the background because I have neighbors, who, thanks to the lockdown, are home too and probably wouldn’t enjoy the show. Then we begin.

With the phone next to me, I lie down and position the Melt over myself. He starts slowly and builds the intensity. Suddenly, it’s too much and I flinch and he apologizes. It’s fine, we’re working it out together.

Now…

I am breathing hard and making so much noise that the music is probably useless, my neighbors can totally hear me. The tension within me snaps and I feel my body go limp. As ever, the blush spreads from chest to my cheeks and I can feel Jack’s eyes on me and turn towards the phone screen.

His expression says it all, maybe quarantine won’t be that bad after all…

 

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