Firstly, women are not the guilty party
Dear men (and women too), forget about Adam and Eva and stop holding women responsible for men’s uncontrolled desires. Even in the 21st century it is said far too often: her skirt was too short, that meant she wanted to have sex with me! Or: she showed so much cleavage, her smile was so provocative, I couldn’t help it! I had to do it!
If it were not so grim, you could almost take pity on men. So vulnerable and helpless against these feminine wiles. Religious leaders, family heads, as well as mothers, aunts and colleagues often pay careful attention so that women don’t overwhelm these poor guys. Women should cover themselves up, cloak themselves in chaste clothes, all so that penis-owners do not lose their composure and their control over their best friend.
But his nipples were showing!
However, men are not the weak sex that needs protection. What women really want is that men take ownership of their desires instead of pushing them onto the female sex. We shouldn’t cloak ourselves, instead they should learn to control their desires, because that is their responsibility.
Let’s imagine this the other way around. He was so sexy! His pants were so short! His nipples were showing, I saw his privates and just had the desire to sleep with him. So I approached him. Women, who express their sexuality openly, are branded as “whores.” They are allowed to arouse desires but may not have any of their own. Passive is okay, active isn’t.
Secondly, women do have sexual desires.
Women are often denied an active female desire. Although she is treated as the guilty seductress (see first paragraph), she can not have her own independent feelings of lust. If your colleague works as an escort in her free time and it becomes common knowledge, she will probably lose her job. The male co-worker who works as an escort, probably not.
The denial of a natural sense of lust is deeply rooted in the minds of men (and also women). “Women simply have less desire than men”– it’s said often. Sex isn’t as important to them. That women have the clitoris, that serves solely for pleasure, is ignored. It is the same that with the clitoris, the G-spot, A-spot and cervix, women have a superorgasmic region of the body. I think that the body of women is designed for orgasms. If we have so few, that’s due less to us than our lovers–and society.
So what do women really want?
To live their (sex )lives in peace and without judgment. To be on the street, at work or at the supermarket without anyone whistling, staring or clicking their tongues because we happen to be wearing a skirt, high heels and lipstick. Stop reducing us to our fuckability. It is your job to keep your desires in check–not ours.
On the other hand, women, own up to your desires. Don’t lose your mind about your colleague, sister or friend who works as an escort or likes SM, or who has many sexual partners or practices Tantra or lives poly-amorously. Why not? She expresses her sexuality healthily and happily. She enjoys her birthright to orgasm–as often and as much as she likes. That is what women really want.
Author: the one and only Tina Molin