The prostate is a gland located a few inches inside the anus of male-bodied people. It’s main function is to produce prostate fluid, one of the two main components in semen. When the prostate is touched, massaged, or milked, it can feel extremely pleasurable to male-bodied people. It is an erogenous zone that can increase the intensity of orgasm immensely. Some studies have shown it magnifies orgasm by up to 33 percent!
Why does it feel so good? Well, experts aren’t in total agreement about this, but what we do know is this: It DOES feel really awesome (for most people, anyway). Can’t argue with pleasure, right?
If you’re curious about prostate milking and how you can get in on this prostate goodness, look no further. Here is everything you need to know about prostate milking and massage.
First things first, what the hell is prostate milking?
Prostate milking and prostate massage are basically one in the same. They both refer to physically engaging the prostate in order to produce prostate-only orgasms or more intense orgasms when combined with other sexual touching such as penis or ball sack play.
Kristine D’Angelo, a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach, points out that the term “prostate milking” is slightly archaic, and prostate massage is used heavily in its place.
One thing to note is that while they are essentially the same thing, milking a prostate can often refer to going a step further than simply massaging the prostate. It means giving over to the massage to full orgasm.
“It [is] a little more deliberate as your goal is more than pleasure, it’s about stimulating until you release. This requires you to go beyond the pleasure of massage and ride that feeling until you begin milking your prostate,” points out Daniel Saynt the founder of The New Society for Wellness (NSFW), a sex-positive members-only club that hosts sexual education workshops.
Why are people into it?
To put it frankly: People are into prostate milking because it feels really, really good. “Many people talk about female orgasm in waves; waves of pleasure that flow through your body, usually starting from your temple or clitoris and running through your body. The prostate creates similar waves,” Saynt explains.
It can increase your pleasure threshold, allowing male-bodied people to have multiple orgasms and orgasms in newfound ways. It’s basically like the key to unlocking an entirely new world of sexual pleasure, one you’ve probably never even dreamed of before.
“One day you open a new door of pleasure and you begin to realize that your orgasms can be much more nuanced and advanced,” Saynt explains. “Once men learn how to orgasm through prostate milking, it can change a lot about how they experience pleasure and their views on what makes great sex.”
How to prep for a prostate massage
When it comes to anything anal, you don’t want to just jump right in and go sticking things in your rear willy nilly. The butt does not self-lubricate or natural expand the way a vagina does. If you’re going to put something inside a person’s butt, you need to prepare and proceed with caution
D’Angelo suggests making sure the area is clean and free of any fecal matter. You don’t need to do an enema if you don’t want to, but you can. It’s about what makes you feel comfortable.
Saynt says that putting a towel down on the bed can help avoid any, um, messes. The thing is, you are playing with a butt. There will be some poop maybe, probably. Be prepared for and OK with this before trying butt play of any kind.
Use lots and lots of lube! Try “silicone lube as it maintains moisture much longer than water and oil based lubricants,” D’Angelo says. “If you’re asking a partner to participate in this massage they can use a latex gloved hand creating a barrier method and more comfortability touching your butt.”
Do what works for you and your partner. It’s about what makes everyone feel safe, comfortable, and excited about the experience.
How to get started
“I suggest practicing prostate massage on your own a few times to really learn what feels good and will allow you to better communicate and direct a partner to give pleasure in this area,” she says. Be sure you’re breathing deeply and relaxing your anus. If you’re clenched, you could experience pain or even tearing.
“Start to awaken your anal nerve endings by using lube and the pads of your fingertips, making small circles to become aroused. When you’re feeling ready begin to insert your finger(s) very slowly and gently moving towards the direction of your stomach searching for the prostate,” D’Angelo explains. “The prostate lives about two inches inside the rectal canal and feels like a nub of tissue different from its surrounding area.”
By the way: You can also use a toy to massage the prostate or pre-stretch the anus. Like the We-Vibe Vector, for example, which pampers both the prostate and the man’s sensitive perineum with gentle pressure and intensive vibrations at the same time.
Remember to communicate with your partner. If you feel any pain (any pain at all) stop and reassess before moving forward. Despite what you may have heard, anal play should NOT be painful. If it is painful, something is wrong. The person receiving should always be in control.
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, sexologist, educator, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngl