We need to talk about the male orgasm

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At a club recently, I found the toilets weren’t clearly marked with the standard “ladies” and “gents” signs. Instead, one door carried a single “blah” and the other was covered in hundreds of “blahs”. A smile, a second of thought, and then the message was clear: men talk little; women talk a lot, all the time and about everything – and especially about sex. And yet the male orgasm is a subject just as worthy of appreciation and conversation as its female counterpart.

Naturally, one can’t generalize, and there are always extroverts and silent types whose words or lack thereof can make it difficult to simplify the issue by gender. But when it comes to sex, this striking statement may be true: when we talk about orgasms, we talk about the female experience more often than we do about the male.

We engage in intense discussions about the mysterious g-spot, debate vaginal over clitoral stimulation and exchange views on multiple orgasms. On the other hand, male sex is often framed to mean nothing more than “in-out”, ejaculate, and done.

The male experience of sex can be so much more than quick ejaculation, the animated smile, the instant falling asleep. So, let’s make some time right now for two essential questions: Can men experience multiple orgasms? And, do men really always climax?

”My man can?“ – Adam’s volatile ability to orgasm

By now you may have guessed already: men really aren’t sex machines, lusting bodies ready and able to function at the push of button. Pornography may tend to fictionalize men as such, but the reality is very different. In real life, men get tired, just like women do.

By the end of a stressful day, the average man’s capacity to orgasm is not what it was at the beginning. And while it can be fun to let off steam in bed, the couch/remote control combination can often be an alternative too charming to ignore.

At times, men can be distant and disinterested during sex, either because they’re just not feeling it or their minds are somewhere else. A male orgasm is not implied, and not every act of love ends in a grand finale. In fact, a third of men have previously admitted to faking an orgasm to avoid disappointing their partner.

Having a flop in bed is completely fine of course. However, when it becomes a permanent condition it may be time to take a closer look at the problem. Fortunately, there are many solutions at hand: trying something new with a partner is just one approach that has helped improve the sex lives of many others before. And when the quality of sex increases, the quantity often follows suit.

P instead of G

Women orgasm in many different ways by many different means. This may not come as a surprise, but men do too. Besides the traditional “up-down” penis stimulation, the male body also has its own kind of g-spot: the prostate.

Perhaps somewhat unexpected, the organ that reminds us of old men and adult diapers can lead to multiple orgasms when properly stimulated. The P-spot is still a bit of a taboo, a fact largely due to it being accessible only when approached from behind – a physical scenario many men find unusual and may be uncomfortable with.

You can find the P-spot just above the bladder, behind the rectum and in front of the penis. Using your finger or a sex toy, you can stimulate the P-spot by gently massaging the area. Even if achieving orgasm through rectal stimulation may at first seem off-putting to some men, it’s still worth a shot. The P-spot really is no “blah” topic of conversation. Instead, it’s an exciting, fascinating thing worth talking about, and then talking about some more.


Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash

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