I love my husband, and part of the reason why is because he doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day. We’ve been together for 11 years and there’s never been any roses or chocolates on February 14. And at this point in our relationship, nothing is going to change there. A candlelight dinner this Valentine’s Day, darling? I don’t think so. Instead, we live our love every day and when it does come to Valentine’s Day it’s all about “me, myself and I”.
So, why isn’t Valentine’s Day marked in red in my diary?
- Because love doesn’t require a special day to be celebrated. If this was the case, I’d be seriously worried about my relationship.
- Because I choose to celebrate our love any time. I value special experiences, in-depth conversations or randomly receiving flowers on any day of the year. Likewise, I will just buy the new Haruki Murakami novel for my husband. Now! And not on February 14.
- Because I’m lazy. And it’s already quite enough to be celebrating Christmas, birthdays and wedding anniversaries.
- Because I’m forgetful. I can just about manage to remember the birthdays of those I love. Valentine’s Day, St Nicholas and even Mother’s Day are a date too many for this over-stressed brain.
- Because Valentine’s Day leads to trouble among my girlfriends: “He didn’t get me anything!”
- Because Valentine’s Day leads to frustration among my girlfriends: “Same dinner, same place, same boring!”
- Because Valentine’s Day is discriminatory and excludes singles.
Valentine’s Day is overrated: instead, celebrate a day of love each week
We like to celebrate our love every week. Friday is our night. That’s when we like to go to the cinema, check out a new restaurant or visit an exhibition. Sometimes the experience is great, other times boring. But it doesn’t matter: there’s always another week to have a magical evening. Meanwhile, our daughter enjoys the evening making paper flowers with our babysitter. At last, a little bit of freedom from her MamPa (as she likes to call us).
Sunday evening is our jour fixe of togetherness. We wind down and enjoy our own space. We make time for kissing, touching and more; or maybe an interesting Netflix documentary about Tony Robbins, Osho or a celebrity chef.
A day for self-love
So why would you want to stress out about a single day? Valentine’s Day carries too much pressure, too many expectations and never enough time!
But what should you do on Valentine’s Day instead? I’ve got a suggestion and it doesn’t exclude singles: just celebrate yourself! Women in particular should spend more time focusing on loving themselves. It’s a day when we get to do what we love, whether that’s jumping on a trampoline, riding a motorcycle or recording music. It’s all about living your dreams, even if they don’t advance your career or benefit your children. Instead, they may just make you happy. Bam!
We have to learn to do more for ourselves and establish some serious “me”-time. Valentine’s Day could be a good opportunity to get started. On “Me-first Valentine’s Day”, just remember to say “no”. No to playing board games with someone else and no to listening to other people’s problems. In other words, say no so you can make room to say ‘yes’. Yes, to relaxing in the tub for two hours and yes to then watching “The Fast and the Furious”.
A day to love yourself can also teach women what it feels like when our needs are prioritized. It’s a time to put yourself ahead of your kids, your partner, your company, your dog, your parents or parents-in-law. A day when we ask ourselves what we actually love to do? And what feels good and easy? If that’s a candlelight dinner with your loved one, by all means, go for it! But if you’d rather rock out with your best friend at a doom metal concert, let me wish you a happy Me-first Valentine’s Day!