Threesome without drama: guide to good group sex

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Threesomes (and sometimes even foursomes) can be found on many a man’s and woman’s bucket list. The ultimate must-dos might include anything from partying at Berlin’s famous Berghain and celebrating at the Oscars to spending a year lounging in Koh Pha-ngan and experiencing a sex orgy. But how does a drama-free threesome actually work? Our author Tina Molin has a few tips to help you.

The threesome is the classic sex fantasy for both men and women. Hardly surprising, when you consider how difficult it is to remain monogamous, at least according to scientific data. Indeed, after three years in bed together, a couple’s sexual interests can fade on both sides. Partners may no longer spark the “I have to have you right here, right now” reaction in each other. Instead, couples resort to watching Netflix and cuddles. But if polygamy or an open relationship are too far out of your comfort zone, a Ménage à Trois may be a good solution to put some spice back into your sex life. This is why we created this guide to good group sex.

Guide to good group sex: Use Apps for a threesome

A threesome promises the security of love plus the kick of something new. It can provide a combination of lust, gratification and ecstasy – multiplied. A third person means another mouth to kiss, another pair of breasts to fondle or penis to stroke, and definitely another pair of hands to be touched by. But how exactly does one go about finding a suitable extra for group sex? Naturally, a rather neat solution already exists and it’s called Feeld. The app works like Tinder and in fact previously used to be called 3nder. It works by listing potential sexual partners in the vicinity and allowing the user to swipe through until they have found their perfect match for a threesome, foursome, orgy or gang-bang. Jackpot!

But before you jump right in, here are a few useful tips to consider. The reality isn’t always like some glossy porn film. Group sex can be messy and sometimes even painful, for example when your skin gets squeezed or your elbow hits a partner (or a partner’s elbow hits you…). And other times you may not know what to do at all. Crucially, it requires flexibility of mind. Ideas of the perfect group sex will often need to be abandoned and all the awkwardness of the act accepted with a grin.

Then there’s the possibility of emotional pain. Perhaps a husband always wanted a threesome, but when he finally sees his wife being taken doggy-style, he throws a jealous temper tantrum. Or maybe a girlfriend starts feeling like a third wheel or suddenly realizes that the new person is in fact an old lover with whom she previously had an affair.

Tips for group sex: planning is everything

So, before you turn your fantasy into reality, it’s useful to be aware of two things: planning and mindfulness. Ask yourself what you really want. Are you having a threesome for yourself or your partner? What are your expectations of group sex? Some may want a porn-like experience whilst others want a four-hand massage. What’s okay with you? Is the other guy allowed to penetrate your girlfriend?

It’s also worth playing through parts of the evening. When should it end? Is the third party, the so-called ‘sex unicorn’, allowed to stay overnight? What about hygiene preparations and safe sex? And do you have enough sex toys on hand?

The next step is to find the right partner. If you find a suitable match on an app, go and meet them beforehand to work out if the chemistry is right. It’s important to check whether expectations and preferences align with reality. Will they participate in bondage games? Tantric massage rituals? Or perhaps something different altogether? If you’re the unicorn joining another couple, make sure they’re interested in your pleasure just as much as their own. Threesome experts warn of sayings such as: “It’s a present for my boy/girlfriend.” In such cases, it’s best to stay away.

The big night

On the evening itself, mindfulness is just as important as the sex. Be aware of everyone in the room so that you don’t experience an emotional hangover the next morning. No one should feel left behind, sexually or emotionally. Make eye contact with your partner to ensure that both of you are still okay. Many couples also work out signals in advance to let their partners know that everything is going well, or that they feel unsure or wish to stop immediately. It’s a great way to let each other know when things have perhaps been taken a step too far. Just to be sure, always remember to ask your partner whether they’re enjoying themselves.

What happens if you don’t like it?

No big deal. Sometimes the illusion is more compelling than the reality. Sometimes, the setting or the match are right, and other times you just can’t get into it. If it’s not working, just say “stop” and abandon the whole thing. Remain friendly and polite, but be assertive and afterwards write a little thank-you email. If there is drama, just talk about it openly and listen. Sometimes, threesomes can uncover issues in a relationship that haven’t come up before. There may be anger, jealousy, accusations and feelings of inferiority. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a couple’s therapist. In situations like this their guidance can help couples grow.


Author: Tina Molin

Photo by Pineapple Supply Co. on Unsplash

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