The first time: five queer women describe their first time with another woman


Stories about “the first time” often center on heterosexual experiences, but what about the experiences of queer women? To mark the occasion of World Women’s Day and as part of our monthly theme “Who run the world? – Girls!” we let five queer women have their say.

#1 Bettina (42): It finally felt right

I discovered my sexual attraction for women relatively late. I was already married and we even had a child. I’d like to say that subconsciously I always felt my true sexuality to lie somewhere else, but even now I find that hard to say. The realization of my queer identity developed slowly and my first sexual encounter with a woman came about more by chance. Naturally, I was nervous and surprised by what I was doing, but once I stopped overthinking the situation and just gave into the moment, everything felt right. Even though I’ve always liked having sex with men, I knew in that moment that I had arrived.

#2 Angelika (31): In the safe hands of an experienced woman

When I think back to the first time I had sex with a woman, I almost always get butterflies in my stomach. I was really lucky: my first girlfriend was much more experienced than me. She was also understanding and patient. I was struggling with uncertainty and dissatisfaction – I guess like most teenagers do. Homosexuality was a foreign word in my environment. I definitely struggled to come out and would sometimes refuse my own sexuality. My girlfriend shared all of my emotional struggles. She taught me a lot about dealing with my sexuality and my own body. In the end, we were very different, but in retrospect I would call her my queer mentor. 

#3 Julia (29): Just a part of the journey

I’ve never had sex with a man, which is why I can’t really make a comparison, but I imagine my first time wasn’t too different from that of heterosexuals. Naturally, I was nervous – as was my girlfriend. I didn’t know what to do, and neither did she. We were young, inexperienced and unsure of ourselves. Just because we’re the same sex doesn’t automatically mean I know what my partner wants and enjoys. Sexuality is a process. The first few times are certainly exciting and special, but they are only part of the sexual journey.

#4 Jennifer (35): Embarrassed giggles instead of hot eroticism

I was super nervous when I had sex with a woman for the first time. I’d already had sex with men, but I was curious to seek out intimate experiences with the same sex. My best friend felt the same way. We decided to have sex with each other. It was strange, we giggled a lot and were silly. It was neither romantic nor erotic. Our friendship wasn’t the same afterwards, but it was an important experience for me. 

#5 Monique (36): The foreigner

My first time sounds like a cliché or a scene from an erotic movie. During university, I spent a semester abroad in Sydney. I was always meeting new people there, fleeting encounters and brief acquaintances. We partied a lot and took what we liked in sexual partners. Then one night I met a girl in a bar. We instantly clicked, drank and laughed a lot and ultimately fell for each other. For a long time, I dismissed this encounter as a unique adventure, never to be repeated. Only some years later did I realize that I was attracted to women and actually began living my homosexuality. 

We’ve asked 10 people about the first time they orgasmed. Here are their confessions.

Author: Konstanze Teschner

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash


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