Slow Sex: Worth the Hype?

“It could save a relationship” – “Sensual slowness for two” – “Megatrend” – “Every touch tingles”: The Internet is full of promising claims about a new trend called ‘Slow Sex’. But what does it actually entail? And could it really take sexual tenderness to a new level? We’ve taken a closer look.

No more quickies and chasing orgasms – Slow Sex has a different agenda. The latest sex trend is all about taking your time and learning to make intense eye contact driven by the desire to uncover new erotic realms. The practice has been touted as a great way to slow down and unwind from the hectic pace of daily life and form a deeper connection with a partner. For long-term couples, Slow Sex may be the answer to breathing new life into their love life. But what is the secret of Slow Sex? Surprisingly, that orgasms aren’t the goal. Instead, the approach advocates for a conscious discovery of and finding pleasure in each other’s body. 

Just like ‘Slow Food’ and ‘Slow Travel’, it’s all about deceleration. In today’s society, most people are under constant pressure to perform, whether at work or even in their romantic relationships. Diana Richardson, a couple’s counsellor and writer of Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sexuality, explains that physical love improves when we approach it at a slower pace. Slow Sex isn’t “the kind of hot sex we see in the media,” Richardson says. It’s a general misconception, promoted by the film industry, she thinks, that sex has to be passionate, hot and always end in mutual climax. But aren’t we confusing passion for hectic? 

How does Slow Sex work? 

First things first – there can be no distractions. Turn off your phone. Turn off your laptop. Do not answer the door. A further preparation may also involve the regular practice of mindfulness. Then start slow. When you kiss, take your time and allow your lips to gently touch. Practice a more gradual foreplay so that you can feel every single meeting of each other’s body. Although that may feel a little strange in the beginning, the body tends to relax after a few minutes.  

Each body part deserves special attention – not just the well-known erogenous zones such as the neck or nipples. It’s worth experimenting a bit by using the tongue, the tip of the nose, hands and even feet to explore and gently touch each other’s body. Although it can be helpful to communicate how one may feel, you don’t have to talk to each other the entire time. Importantly, there’s no time limit to Slow Sex. Five, ten, fifteen or twenty minutes – the exact duration doesn’t matter, it just has to feel good. Best of all, you won’t need an erection to start. As the saying goes, appetite comes with eating. We recommend agreeing on a time and a place to find pleasure together. 

Penetration comes second

Traditionally, penetration is one of the main parts of love making, but not so during Slow Sex. Here, the act of penetration is delayed. It’s crucial, therefore, to find a comfortable position you can both stay in for quite some time, such as the spoons or scissors sex positions, in order to further the delay. When intercourse eventually begins, try to focus on experiencing your shared connection at that moment. Don’t think about the next steps. Just enjoy the feeling of having come together. Experts of Slow Sex also advise to skip faster thrusting movements and take frequent short breaks. Imagine how you may help each other climax.  

After like before

Conventional sex offers a quick release, but often fails to provide lasting satisfaction. Most couples just return to their daily lives, grab hold of their smartphones or watch a movie. Instead, Slow Sex aims for you to feel more vitalized afterwards. Additionally, the practice ensures that partners remain attentive towards one another even after sex. Therefore, continue to gently touch and stroke each other after you’ve made love and give quiet thanks to one another. Appreciate what you have just experienced together. In short, take your time during all stages of Slow Sex. 

Although Slow Sex may not work for everyone, fully devoting yourself to your partner can be a wonderful thing. In a world where the pace seems to have quickened, we say give it a try. As with all sexual practices, everything pleasurable is permitted. 


© Foto by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

Author: Friederike Hintze

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