“I’ve never actually come during sex with a man,” a well-known erotic model recently told German TV. “That’s not true,” her rather perplexed partner quickly responded. The couple then proceeded to discuss the issue of orgasms diligently, igniting a larger debate on the orgasm gap on national television. The scene probably sparked a number of breakfast table discussions across German households the next day. Men would have asked their female partners: “Darling, you do always come when we have sex, right?”. And she’d bashfully reply: “Well, actually… no, I don’t.” Fake orgasms were coming to light and serious conversations were being had.
All about male pleasure
The orgasm gap isn’t exactly a secret, at least not for most heterosexual women. According to research, just 65% of women reach a climax during sex, compared to 95% of men. In homosexual relationships, women tend to reach a climax more often at 86%, which proves that there’s nothing actually wrong with women. Instead, something’s not right in heterosexual bedrooms. But why exactly is it that so many women miss out during sex? The reasons are complex and the penis is definitely among them, because men often determine how long the lovemaking takes. Once a male partner climaxes, the sex usually ends. Of course, there are men who put in the extra effort to help their partners reach an orgasm. But then again, there are those who roll over satisfied and shortly fall asleep.
Orgasm Gap: where is my clitoris?
However, women can contribute to the problem through ignorance and lack of education on the issue. Yet, we are fully capable of taking the matter into our own hands – literally.
If we are to believe porn movies, the good old ‘in-out’ works equally well for both partners and women tend to automatically let out lustful screams after a few seconds as they climax. However, many men and women don’t realize that what they are seeing is all just an act. The porn orgasm is often nothing more than a staged performance sold as a depiction of real-life sexuality. The reality isn’t like that, at all. In fact, most women don’t reach an orgasm vaginally, but require simultaneous clitoral stimulation. Experience has shown that many men, and even women, don’t even really know what or where a clitoris is or what its functions are. According to a study, women tend to know the anatomy of male sexual organs better than their own. And that’s where the problem begins. Whilst so-called women’s magazines try to educate women on how to deliver the best blow jobs or drive men crazy in bed, very little information on female sexuality is actually being shared. It’s almost as if female sexuality is completely new territory both scientifically and in pop culture.
The grand finale and equal rights
Over the last few years, the issue of female orgasms has become more prevalent thanks to recent developments in gender equality. Although women in Germany were legally required to sexually fulfill the needs of men in a marriage until the 1990s, we are now moving in the direction of self-determination. Women who know what they want are able to communicate it. For more equality in bed, there has to be more education on female sexuality. In addition, women should learn to take their climax into their own hands. It’s time to start explaining to our partners what feels good and how we’d like it done.
We appeal to all women out there: if you want an orgasm, don’t fake one. If you’re faking the climax, it signals to your partner that you’re ‘finished’. We can trust men to take care of us. Equality is also a matter of the bedroom.
Autorin: Victoria van Violence