To be frank, a hard pounding just isn’t going to do it for the vast majority of female bodies. We need a hand, toy, or mouth stimulating our clitoris in order to come. Surprise!
There are about a million reasons why you should learn everything you can about the female orgasm (whether it’s for your pleasure, a partner’s, or both). It has the power to not only give a woman or female-bodied person profound sexual pleasure, but it can relieve headaches, menstrual cramps, and even help with sleep.
So, for those of you who want more information, tips, and tricks to unlock the majestic, all-powerful female orgasm, here are 5 foolproof ways to make her come. You know you want the goods.
#1: Educate yourself
Before you do anything, read up on the sexual response cycle and on female anatomy. You want to come to the table with knowledge of the body before touching the body. If you walk in blind, it will be awkward for everyone.
Kristine D’Angelo, a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist says that communicating with your partner and giving her a chance to tell you what she wants will help figure out how to touch her. “Bring curiosity and a sense of adventure into the bedroom, she’ll eat it up,” she tells us.
#2: Make her feel comfortable, relaxed, and desired.
The first step to sexually awakening the body is to make her feel mentally safe. If she’s tensed up, there’s no way she’s going to get in the mood. She needs to know that she can fully let go and be in the moment. “You definitely need to make her feel comfortable and relaxed. If she feels safe, and in her element she can relax her body and let the vibes flow,” says Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a certified sex therapist.
D’Angelo agrees, “By stimulating her brain (largest sex organ) first, you’re actually creating a pathway to stimulating her genitals as well”.
Ghose explains that orgasm starts in the mind before the body, so focus on her mental state first.
Once she’s comfortable, make her feel wanted and hot. Nothing is a bigger turn on than when someone makes it clear that they want you. Tell her how beautiful she is and how gorgeous you think her body looks naked. Kiss her everywhere. She needs to feel sexy to want to get sexy, you know?
#3: Focus. On. The. Clit.
Fun fact: Did you know that the clitoris is the only organ designed solely for pleasure? Yep. That’s right. The clitoris is the fundamental base on which all orgasms are built. The clitoris goes far beyond the small bulb at the top of the vulva, it extends (up to 5 inches!) into the pelvis and labia. While there are many different “kinds” of orgasms, all of them stem from the external and internal clitoris.
The place to start is the external clitoris. When in doubt, stick to the clit. That’s a rule we should all live and die by, if you ask me. Get explorative. Try moving your tongue over the hood (the protective layer of skin that sits over the actual clitoris) in small circles, up and down, or left to right.
“Don’t be afraid to use your hands, mouth, vibrator to manually stimulate her clitoris,” Ghose says. Get sex toys in on the game with the Womanizer Starlet. It simulates oral sex using Pleasure Air Technology. Place it over the clitoris and watch the magic happen. It will help her experience an orgasm like clockwork. Once the clitoris is engaged, her body should start to become fully aroused which means it’s time to …
#4: Get the G-spot in on the action!
The G-spot is actually a part of the clitoris. It’s true! It’s the backend, or apex, of the clit. It is located internally, a few inches inside of the vaginal canal. To find it, insert two fingers or a toy into the vagina and hook up towards the belly botton. It should feel like a rough(ish), ridged patch just behind the public bone.
The G-spot is more of an area than a spot. Instead of simply hanging out up there, feel around. Pay attention to her body (and her words). If something feels good, keep doing that thing.“Some women can also ejaculate [squirt] this way. A combo of the clit and g-spot can be super intense,” Ghose explains. “Reading body language is great and don’t be afraid to ask her if you feel lost. She knows her body the best.”
Get some toys in on this action! G-spot toys are literally designed to curve up and hit the G-spot with expert precision. Add in the power of vibration and you’ll have her screaming for more (probably). Check out the Rave by We-Vibe. It has intense vibration patterns and can be controlled with an app.
You can also try the Womanizer Duo, which combines Pleasure Air Technology over the clitoris with G-spot vibration.
#5: Be patient.
Don’t rush a woman to orgasm. Don’t get dismayed if it seems like she’s taking a while to get off. It takes the average woman about 20 minutes to become fully aroused and experience orgasm.
“Every woman’s ramp up time to being turned on is different. Paying attention to a women’s sexual response cycle will help you become more patient with your approach to bringing her to climax,” D’Angelo says.
Always approach your partner with love, empathy, and patience. Give into her pleasure and allow her to be present. If she thinks she’s taking too long or you’re bored, it will inhibit her ability to come.
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, sexologist, educator, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.