BDSM tips for beginners

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You want to try something new in the bedroom? Follow Ana and Christian’s lead! Ever since the release of “50 Shades of Grey,” the sexual practice of “bondage and discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism” or BDSM for short has fascinated people – both men and women. Granted, BDSM is not everyone’s taste, as the practice revolves around submission, pleasure, pain and punishment. However, whoever is turned on at the thought of handcuffs and bondage should consider slowly trying out less-vanilla sex. Our BDSM beginner tips will help you make a smooth start:

Learning before experimenting

Before diving too deep into the BDSM world, it is probably best to first do some research online. There you’ll find platforms like “Slave Central” or gentledom.de. In addition to finding interested partners, you can also use the platform to find suggestions and information for your own sex-life. However, beware – as a beginner you should avoid meeting people alone. Go to a workshop for beginners or a group meeting. Remember, everyone started small. That goes for BDSM experts too. The scene actually has its own language, which has to be understood before going any further. Bullwhips, flogger, pony play or doms – BDSM language is packed with specialized vocabulary, which you will need to become familiar with. Don’t worry if you can’t keep up at the beginning. Search for terms online that interest you or ask at a group meeting or workshop – this is the whole purpose of those meetings.

BDSM tips: Proceed with caution

BDSM isn’t for everybody. If you or your partner/s are beginners, you should start practising BDSM slowly. Begin with less intense play, for example using hand restraints and spanking. If you are both interested in moving further, then you can certainly try out some more lively experiences, like leading a submissive on a leash through the apartment. Tools like whips and chains are only for couples, who know exactly what they like! That could soon be you too.

Dress code

One of the most important BDSM tips is that you should leave the fall and spring wardrobe in the closet. Black is always in style – especially in leather and latex. Of course, it is completely up to you to choose what to wear. Instead of the usual lingerie, BDSM offers the chance to take on a new role and to dress accordingly. Whether it’s studded necklaces or a latex suit, the internet and specialty stores provide a huge selection beyond your wildest dreams. If you want to explore your local scene, it is usually best to keep to the default dress code. At SM parties, you’re given the theme on the flyer or invitations. Additionally, you should make sure your preferences are reflected by your outfit – this is to make it easy for other party guests to know whether you are more of a dominant (“dom”) or submissive (“sub”). If you are a dom, high-necked bodysuits and stiletto heels are ideal. If you are a sub, you could wear a collar and choose a dress that gives as much access to your breasts and lower half as possible.

Vital for BDSM beginners: agreeing on a safe word

Just like in all other role plays that use dominance and submission, a safe word is very important. Even if your partner is always responsive normally to requests like “no” or “stop,” they may be a bit overwhelmed with BDSM situations. As there is the risk of real pain, it’s really important to settle on a term in advance with your partner, which you will both immediately recognize as a sign to stop everything at once. It is best to choose words you would not usually use with sex and that are not remotely sexual – such as “giraffe” or “vacuum cleaner” or “oregano.” Hand signals can also be used, including tapping on the floor like in martial arts. This is not always ideal though, as subs may be sometimes tied up.

No shame

BDSM is a unique practice that requires a huge amount of trust in your partner. That’s the way it should be and makes sense. You should always feel comfortable, so that you and your partner can really let go and enjoy sex. Just like all other sexual practices, there shouldn’t be any shame in this. You and your partner got involved in this experiment together, so just let go! Feeling any shame undoubtedly limits the biggest and best moments of sex. Don’t be ashamed of what turns you on!

BDSM tips for beginners: there’s no pressure!

BDSM play isn’t when your partner asks you to do something that you don’t feel entirely comfortable with. Don’t be forced into anything that you don’t feel like doing. Trust in your gut feeling and decide: what brings you closer to orgasm – and what doesn’t? If you’re in doubt, take it down a few notches. Although BDSM involves dominance, the practice of it should still be enjoyed by both participants.

BDSM tips: Useful helpers

Whips, restraints and other sex toys can all add to BDSM play. Couple’s toys like the We-Vibe Moxie are a good example. Through the We-Vibe app, you can control the toy and bring your partner to orgasm yourself – no matter if it’s in the bedroom, office or in the supermarket.

BDSM für Einsteiger

Click here to discover Moxie!

Even though BDSM involves pleasure and pain, the practice has nothing to with abuse or violence. It is actually the opposite, BDSM only works if both practitioners enjoy themselves. We hope you have fun with trying it out!


Author: Lea Thin

Photo by Joe deSousa on Unsplash

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